I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
