I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
