Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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