Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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