My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
