Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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