if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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