I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
