I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
