My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
