Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize