exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
