If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
