Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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