I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
