It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
