How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
