Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
