Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
