I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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