Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
