Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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