Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
