I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
