What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
