New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
