I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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