so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I love having hate sex.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
