New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
