I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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