Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
