Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize