you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
