Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
