Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
