My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
