how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
