i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
