Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
