Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
