she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
