Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
