I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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