go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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