you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Blood and glitter go together right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
