Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
