i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
