absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
