I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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