apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
