i permit you to call me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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