If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
