Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
