"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
