he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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