You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
