High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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