four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize