with your own penis?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
