Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
