I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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