But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
