After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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