In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
