After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
