I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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