you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
