Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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