Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I will pee on everything he values.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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